Bidisha's Thought For The Day
Love Letters
“Bidisha, you ask if I have fallen for you. The answer is yes. Yes.” Sweet, no? That was from my first ever love letter. I was 13. The other person was 22. We met at a Guns’n’Roses gig. Note to social services: it was innocent, except for the chaste lurve that warmed our twin hearts. I threw the letters away at 14 and now regret it. Surely the missives speak with perfect truthfulness and grace, attesting to a love everlasting?
Well...not for American Clark C Moore, who has finally received a letter from his girlfriend. She posted it in 1958 and it was stuck in the post for half a century. Since then, they married and had 4 kids. Then they divorced. Then he changed his name to Muhammad Sideeq. The letter’s signed, “love forever.”
How the gods laugh at our little acts of faith. Let me quote some recent classics from my own escritoire of idiocy. “I notice and worship everything about you.” Yeah babes, I wrote that. “It’s as though Michelangelo and Rodin fought to make you.” Cringe! Guilty as charged. “You have crystal grey eyes with a splash of mustard powder around the iris.” Oh, brother. And you know what? I meant every single word of it. “Is this real or are you playing me?”
Ho! Bullseye! You can guess what’s coming next, can’t you? Stupid, stupid, stupid me. Yes, it was a trick, a set-up, a scam. Imagine the combined morals, decency, honesty and integrity of the Borgias, Vernon Kaye, Ashley Cole, Rio Ferdinand, Mark Owen, Tiger Woods, Angus Deayton, Chris Tarrant, Gordon Ramsay, the pathetic injuncters like Lefty Male Feminist ‘spank me missy but don’t tell ma wife, here’s a pound’ Comedian and Lovely Cuddly Family Man ‘john’ Actor who was in Lost in Austen and all their apologists. I haven’t thrown away the letters I got in response to my fond entreaties as the thought of touching them makes me physically sick and I’m afraid of absorbing scum vibes.
But I still have faith. As Clark/Muhammad must agree, what goes around comes around. Eventually.
Related pieces:
